I’m going to make a bold statement. Every man wants to make his wife or female partner happy. And if he can’t do it, he gives up trying.
You know what that giving up looks like—shutting down, ignoring you, checking out with his computer or phone.
But here’s the thing. We women stop our men from making us happy ALL THE TIME.
What? Why would I ever prevent my guy from pleasing me?
Well, think about this and be honest.
Do you ever criticize him for not doing something the way you would have done it? You know, like not cleaning the kitchen or loading the dishwasher how or when you wanted? Not doing the laundry the right way?
Do you ever nag him about sitting on the couch, not exercising, sleeping too much, not helping with the kids more, not being more like your best friend’s husband who mowed the lawn and took her out to dinner?
Do you ever try to be helpful by telling him what to wear, what to eat, what he should say to his boss at work?
If you answered yes to any of these, you are putting up roadblocks that send him this message: “Stop. You can’t make me happy.”
And he will back up and go the other way. Every time. And he doesn’t need to ask directions!
What’s going on? When you criticize, nag, correct him or try to be helpful, he hears or interprets this as you saying he’s inadequate, not good enough for you.
“How can I ever make her happy,” he thinks, “if I try it this way or that, and she still comes back with another ‘helpful suggestion’ for next time?”
Look, I know you’re with a man who you initially saw as smart and capable. Dear sisters, that didn’t change over time.
He still is as smart as when you met, but your actions and words tell him otherwise, reinforcing for him that he’s not competent in your eyes. And this makes you less lovable too.
All he wants to do is make you happy.
So just try this experiment: Don’t say the critical, nagging, correcting, “helpful” things you are so tempted to say for a few days—or a week if you can—and see what happens.
I guarantee that it won’t be easy for you to do, but the result of having your man turn toward you, stick around and not check out, and connect with you in a more loving, curious, and attentive way is really worth it.
Try it and let me know how it goes. Wishing you only success in your relationship!
And if you’re interested in learning more about my relationship coaching for women, you can check that out here!